If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
