Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
