He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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