I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
