After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize