um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
