but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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