I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
