I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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