I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
