You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I pour the whiskey from now on
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
