Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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