She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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