i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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