I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
