I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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