I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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