Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Randomize
