No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
