Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
