i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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