i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
