Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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