apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
