The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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