Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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