I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
even my farts smell like vagina
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
