your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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