oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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