I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
