dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
