im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
