Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
