Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize