i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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