i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toyâ€
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