I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
