Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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