I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
