Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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