I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
