Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
