I can't watch pbs sober anymore
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
