My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
