and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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