and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I checked into jail on foursquare
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
