so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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