Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
