remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
