he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
