In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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