i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
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