Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
