I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
