its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
