If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
