I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Randomize
