Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
