i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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