Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
