she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
