i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Randomize
