Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
