The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
