I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
