ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
